Saturday, July 30, 2016

Devil Trump for President! (If You Really Must) by Ann Sterzinger

So, now Trump is telling the Russians to come git us, and Clinton is accidentally helping them because she doesn’t know how email works. I keep vacillating between thinking one candidate for US president is more ridiculously unfit for the office than the other, and wishing the asteroid would hurry the fuck up, because this shit ain’t that funny anymore.
At this point it looks like I’m still voting for myself as usual, but as the great whirling mechanisms of the old media and the new media battle afresh each dawning news cycle, I have pieced together a few of my own thoughts down here in the People Who Don’t Matter Bunker ™, and I have come to the conclusion that while I will still personally vote for myself, I think that, as a matter of temporary public safety, it’s best if those of you who still care go on and elect (am I actually saying this?) Donald J. “I stayed relevant through a dry spell by being on reality TV, my rich dad didn’t pay enough attention to me” fucking Trump.
Here’s the short explanation: Our propaganda about what a great democracy we are is killing us, and electing Trump might win us a few months of safety. And that’s the best we can hope for out of this shitstorm.
Here’s the tl;dr version for those of you who aren’t fully ADHD yet:
While both of these people are bad people who will probably do bad things, at least Trump is too clueless to get most of his bad stuff done. Hitler managed to do what he did because he didn’t have a golf problem.
But whatever; this is why we have checks and balances, so we can contain our little Hitlers. The real reason to gingerly pick up this piece of pop-cultural punch line and place it in the “Well, it looks like the lesser of two evils” bin has nothing to do with the way Trump habitually breaks deals and rips people off, his ability to be totally incoherent while still using under 50 vocabulary words per day, or which candidate all of us armchair psychologists have diagnosed as the more narcissistic sociopath.
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